Wednesday, November 11, 2009

jersey debacle pt6: decryption

when i was in high school, somebody gave me a tip on essay writing: if you can't convince'em, confuse'em. i'm certainly not suggesting that it was his intention but the most recent email i received from the flames' director of retail follows this motto to a tee... if anyone can decode the letter below, or glean any actual information whatsoever from the words contained within, i implore you to explain them to me in the comments section.....


"I don’t look at this as a trivial issue and don’t view this as a waste of time at all. I always appreciate any feedback from our fans and take every e-mail very seriously.

Just to clarify something that may not seem like a big deal, but the Vintage jersey that the Club is wearing on the ice is not considered to be our Third jersey because it is only being worn for five games this season to honor our 30th Anniversary. Any other Club has the opportunity to wear their actual 3rd jersey for a maximum of 18 home games. There were several different reasons that we made the decision not to order the Women’s Vintage jersey for this season. We did not order this jersey just to “unload” our Home jersey which accounts for about 95% of our jersey sales. Unfortunately it takes Reebok approximately 6 months to produce new jerseys so we would not be able to receive our order until after the regular season. I apologize that we did not offer a Women’s version of the Vintage jersey this season but we are already making plans to order a Ladies Vintage jersey for next season.

I appreciate your feedback and I’m sorry that we are unable to fill your request for this season.

Thank you very much for taking the time to make us aware of this."


clear as mud, mr.gibbs.... clear as mud.
what mr.gibbs ACTUALLY clarifies:
  • that, to be technically considered a "third" jersey, a specific design needs to be worn for more than five games and less than 18 home games in a particular season... i'm not sure if this is the letter of the law but he seems to know some rules that i sure don't...
  • that i should never again refer to the vintage retro-throwback jersey as the "third" jersey.... at least, i shouldn't until next year when i'm led to believe it will officially become the flames' "third" jersey. this information makes the linked wikipedia article incorrect (y'know.... like where they list the calgary flames as one of the teams that released a third jersey in 2009-2010).
  • that i will definitely not be getting this jersey in a women's cut this season, and if the "plans" are executed in a timely fashion, i might get this jersey in a women's cut sometime in 10/11.
  • that there were "several different reasons" that the organization made the decision not to order the women's vintage for this season. unfortunately, i'm still not sure what even one of those reasons might be.
  • that it takes reebok 6 months to produce a new jersey, which obviously means that about eight months ago, the flames must have ordered the vintage-throwback in mens' and childrens' sizes. i might point out that the womens' could surely have been ordered at the same time. heck, i was informed by the nhl store in nyc in early august that the flames would be seeing a 1989 re-release style jersey.... that would've brought the jersey in just after xmas if i was the very first person to know....
  • that the home jersey accounts for 95% of jersey sales. well, how many other effin' jerseys ARE THERE ??! i mean, the away jersey wouldn't go over too well in the C of red and the numbers probably aren't in for the mens' retro throwback.... so yeah. no shit. 5% of jersey sales = away jerseys, practice jerseys, the ice flirt jersey and the be luv'd jersey i suppose. what a joke. i could've told you that none of those would sell.

can someone please tell me if it's rude to send any more correspondance with this guy ? cause i'm just sick of gettin' the run-around on this issue and i'd kindof like some actual answers....

thanks for your input, friends.


awildermode said...

you need to get in contact with someone else.

...or send your question from another account.

Kent W. said...

if you can't convince'em, confuse'em

I believe that's called the Chewbacca defense.

Anyways, I don't think there's anything to be gained by pursuing this correspondence any further. Take message was "we don't got none."

Mike H. said...

Unfortunately, the clear part of the message is that no female sized jerseys currently exist or are even on order. Unless you think that Ken King is toiling away over a sewing machine putting something together for you, I think the Flames org is a dry hole.

I say you put a point on the discussion and invoke Godwin's Law in your next e-mail. Comparing Ken King to hitler and the Flames org to the Nazi's would definitely move things forward (possibly toward a visit from the police).

Nuuuuugs said...

Go for the Andy Dufresne method. When the Advisory Board writes to him, 'we now consider this matter closed, please stop sending us letters,' he says he'll start writing two letters a week instead of one.

walkinvisible said...

hahaha i think what the BIGGER issue that this entire saga has clarified is that we all spend FAR too much time with available media (tv/movies/internet).

i thank you for your wise words, and will consider the jersey debacle closed.

(for now).